Tuesday, November 21, 2006


Words mean things. Obviously this is true, but that fact seems to be lost these days. The whole gay marriage thing, for example; the word marriage means a specific thing; the union of a man and a woman. Activist judges and gay rights groups want to redefine it.

The word 'mom' has a specific meaning to me. My wife is about to be a mom. She is going to give birth to our child in February, God willing. Not that giving birth makes her a mom. I mean the coming years of raising and nurturing a child will make her a mom, as it will make me a father. Not just a sperm donor.

A little spat I saw on a blog seems to me to make it necessary to define the word. A woman has a family blog showing pictures of her two adopted children. One of the adoption reform/anti adoption crowd left a comment about the kids having two moms, and the mom responded, saying, no, they don't. The antis are in a minor tizzy over the comment. They seem to be in agreement that all adoptees have two moms.

No, they don't. I am not sure of the Wikipedia or Webster's definitions, and I really don't care; some definitions are pretty damn obvious. The instigator in this is claiming she was told she isn't a mother. No one said that. But she claimed the title of mom for the birthmother, and it just isn't so.

They have a biological mother, and a mom. Getting pregnant and carrying a kid to term do not earn you this title. Not killing the kid is appreciated by us pro lifers, and especially by us adoptees, but being a mom is more than letting biology happen. I understand how strong the connection is to a baby when a woman is pregnant, and we have covered ad infinitum how hard it is to give a child up for adoption. But you didn't nurse the kid. You haven't rocked it to sleep, or put on any bandaids and kissed the scars. You haven't helped with the homework, or hugged the grief of a dead pet away. You didn't change any diapers or give any baths. You didn't save any money for college. You did a courageous thing giving the child to someone who could give it a home, and that is honorable. It was probably the right thing. But you aren't a mom, at least not to that kid.

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